Friday, November 28, 2014

True Story

... there was a Royal family: King Daddy, Queen Mommy, Princess Doodles and Prince Toddles. One day, while King Daddy was hard at work doing Kingly Things (during a four-day Holiday Weekend), Queen Mommy decided to take Princess Doodles and Prince Toddles with her in The Royal Carriage (which had recently been paid off in full) to do the shopping.

After all their parcels had been paid for, Queen Mommy and Princess Doodles returned to The Carriage merry, while Prince Toddles was overly tired and complained so that his cries were heard throughout the entire land.

As the trio approached The Carriage, the Princess spied a Wicked Screw near the rear wheel of The Royal Carriage. The Princess was very clever, and remembered a time not long before, when such a screw had pierced the wheel of The Carriage and Queen Mommy had been forced to pull The Carriage over to the side of the road in Little Havana ask kind strangers for assistance in a dialect that was strange to her ear (because King Daddy had been at work in a far off land on a Saturday). 

So when Princess Doodles showed Queen Mommy The Screw, Queen Mommy was proud of her clever daughter, and asked The Princess to keep the Wicked Screw in her hand until the time it could be properly destroyed (as she was distracted with Prince Toddles, who was now throwing a convulsion-like fit and head butting so that nary a soul within neck-swinging distance was safe from his fury). And so the clever Princess did.

After Queen Mommy had finished binding the possessed Prince to The Carriage seat, she set about arranging the parcels in the rear of the coach, when Princess Doodles exclaimed, “Look, Queen Mommy! I am practicing my letters!”

And so the clever Princes was, using the Wicked Screw (which had been sent directly from the Depths of Hell), on the virgin rear panel of the Royal Carriage.
And the letters etched deep into the side of The Royal Carriage by that most foul and Wicked Screw can still be seen today, and will be there, forever more.

Thursday, November 20, 2014


I wanted to take the kids out for an end-of-the-year photo shoot today. It was going well until we actually started taking pictures and suddenly the kids wouldn't sit still long enough to stay in frame and Harper decided she was starving to death and then Will walked through an ant hill which resulted in about two dozen or so ant bites and brought the whole thing to a screeching halt. 

We will definitely have to reschedule for a less eventful day. If there is such a thing. 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


Maybe six weeks ago Harper and Will had their first real conversation. It was quite a touching milestone. 

I was so busy I never had a chance to write it down for posterity but pretty much every conversation since then has followed the same general outline. Here’s how it usually goes:

Harper (screeching like a Banshee on fire): “Aaaahhhhhhhhhh! Will is in my room! Get him out! Get him out!”

Will (shaking his head): “No, no, no.”

Me (washing dishes in the kitchen): “Harper, play nicely with your brother.” 

Harper: ”Aaahhhhh! No baby! No!”

Will (talking to himself as he picks up a fire engine): “No, no, no, no, no.”

Harper: “Now he has my toy! Out, baby! OUT!”

Will (pointing to the door): “Ow! Ow!”

Me: “Harper, chill it!”

Harper: “Go out! GOOO OOOOUT!”

Will (standing up and leaving with the fire engine): “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!”


Saturday, November 8, 2014

Spa Package

Will opted for both the organic spaghetti dinner and accompanying post-dinner full-body detoxifying organic spaghetti spa treatment this evening. We were just happy to oblige him.

Said Brad after the pasta had had time to fully cure: "I don't know why you think he needs a bath."

This is a prime example of exactly why I make the final decisions regarding child-related hygiene around here.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Halloween 2014

I'll make a confession: I'm typically not a big Halloween person. In theory, I like the holiday fine, but its application is typically too laborious for me to fully embrace. This year, however, was a delightful change. Harper decided on her costume early and, in a surprising turn of events, stuck to it, so all I had to do was figure out how to do costumes. I love to carve a Jack O' Lantern and toast pumpkin seeds but found myself running too short on time Halloween day so I just went with the flow and decided to forgo them this year, which made for a much more relaxing evening. 

Just before getting dressed Harper asked, "How about we go Trick-or-Treating in the morning so we can have all day for candy?" Although a 24 hour all-candy orgy sounded (and still sounds) intriguing, we opted to stick with our plans and meet up with friends for Trick-or-Treating around the neighborhood instead.  

Snake Ballerina!

Our adorable little mouse.

The Snake Ballerina slithers stealthily to "hug up" the mouse. 

Sparkle Cat joined us for the festivities.

I don't know how anyone get a good photo of three kids at the same time.

Mom... let's GOOOO already!

BFF's. Ready to conquer the neighborhood! 

Brad decided to stay home and pass out candy while Scott, Narelle and I supervised the kids on their candy sojourn, interrupting our conversation with the occasional, "Did you remember to say 'Thank You'?". Will lasted exactly one house before retiring to the stroller for the night while Harper and Zoe acquired enough confectionary loot to cover the entire surface of the sun. It was an enjoyable evening for all.

P.S. This morning I let Harper pick out a piece of candy after breakfast (I know, I'm a terrible parent). After trying her first Whopper she asked hopefully, "Can I have a bowl of those?"