Saturday, September 1, 2012

(More) Conversations With a Toddler

Our home was featured in a documentary today.

Harper was keeping me busy this morning. I was trying to get us ready to go to her art class but every time I turned around she was getting in to something and I’d have to clean it and her up. After mopping her breakfast up I found her smiling atop a mountain of linens (including every single one of her blankets, quilts, receiving blankets, sheet sets and crib pads) in the middle of her bedroom floor after she had surreptitiously removed them from her armoire. Exasperated, I decided to call Brad at work to discuss things.

Me (on speaker phone): “Brad? I would like you to speak with your daughter about making messes.”

Brad: “Did she make a mess?”

Harper: “Yes! Mess. Dirty, yucky.”

(Brad stifles laughter in the background throughout the remainder of the conversation)

Me: “What kind of a mess did you make?”

Harper is silent and avoids eye contact.

Me: “Harper, did you make a mess?”

Harper (proudly): “Yes! Blanket mess!”

Me: “That’s right. Blanket mess. What other kind of mess did you make?”

Harper (pointing at the blankets scattered everywhere): “Blankie! Blankie!”

Me: “Yes. Blanket mess. What else?”  

Harper: “Cheerio.”

Me: “Cheerios and milk mess?”

Harper (proudly): “Yes!”

Me: “Yes, that’s right. What other mess did you make?”

Harper: “Snake mess!”

Me:  Snake mess?"

Harper: "Yes!"

Me: "Well, I haven’t found that one yet but that sounds exciting. What other mess did you make?”

Harper is silent.

Me: “What about the crayon mess? Did you make that?”

Harper (vehemently): “No.”

Me: “No?" (explaining to Brad) "I am looking at crayon on the table and bookshelf." (to Harper) "Who did that?”

Harper (resolutely): “The crayons!”

(Brad starts guffawing)

Me: “Brad…”

Brad (collecting himself): “Don’t make messes, baby.”

Harper (coloring the window sill with a stray purple crayon nub): “OK. Bye daddy.”
This is what I imagine a snake mess would look like.

In other news, Harper has been learning how to swim! We priced classes but just couldn’t swing it so I’ve been Google-ing and Youtube-ing toddler swim tutorials and have been pleasantly surprised with the results.  

I mean, she’s no Michael Phelps (yet) but she’s catching onto the basics pretty quickly. (Despite the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing) she can hold her breath underwater for up to 10 seconds in a row, is pretty good at orientating herself underwater, will swim towards the steps or me, will put her face underwater to pick up her toys off the steps and can creep along the sides of the pool. She is TERRIBLE at jumping in (she jumps straight down so that I am terrified she’s going to hit her head on the edge of the pool) and will not float on her back (I’ve tried every trick I can find and nothing works. She just shrieks like a banshee and won’t relax. Tips are appreciated). But other than that she’s a lean, mean, swimming machine.

Just look at her go!
It's hard to tell but this is about a nine foot swim.

Daddy! Quit filming already and get in this pool!

After we got home from our afternoon swim today Harper was a little chilly and absolutely insisted on wearing her brand new T-shirt (which was purchased in haste this afternoon following an epic ketsup mess after art class), warm socks and, in lieu of pants, a towel, which she originally had fastened about her head. Now she is all wrapped up like a warm and zesty little toddler burrito, watching her favorite video while I make dinner.
Doesn't she look snug as a bug?
 At least I know she’s not making any snake messes. For now.  


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