Thursday, January 27, 2011


You are never supposed to compare your baby to other babies. Besides being rude, accurate comparisons are impossible because every baby develops at his or her own pace. But let’s be honest, we all do it.
When my neighbor’s daughter (a full three weeks older than Harper) began grabbing things before Harper did I immediately went home and dangled various objects of interest over her head in an attempt to coerce her into snatching one. And when Harper slept through the night I couldn’t help but casually mention it to another parent, just to see her reaction. I suppose this makes me a bad person.
So it was only a matter of time before my BFF, Natalie, and I began to compare our own children.

Natalie and I both desperately wanted girls. I wanted a girl because I have 3 brothers, 6 male cousins and 2 brothers-in-law.  Natalie wanted a girl for reasons she chooses to keep to herself. Luckily, we both got our wish. Anika came first and only ten months later Harper was born. We are certain it is only a matter of time before they become best friends, too, despite the fact that they live on opposite ends of the country and have never met, as of this writing.

Me, Laura and Natalie at my “Bridesmaid Dress” themed bachelorette party. As I was searching for a photo of the two of us together it hit me that I don’t have any on my computer. I should really get around to scanning some, for times like this, when I publically out her. Her outfit, by the way, was THE BOMB.
Anika and Harper were different right from the start. Anika has a head full of fuzzy blonde hair. Harper is brunette and practically bald. Anika has better things to do with her time than eat. Harper’s nickname is Munch Mouth. Anika is petite. Harper is lanky. There is such a disparity in their size, in fact, that Harper is quickly catching up to Anika. This, of course, led Natalie and I to discuss what every competitive parent wonders: which baby would win if pitted against each other in an Ultimate Cage Match?
Speed - Because she smaller than her opponent, Harper should, in theory, be faster than Anika.
Agility- Harper is adept at rolling over (an ability she generally only practices in her sleep). This skill should help her avoid any blows Anika may rain on her. As long as she’s sleeping.
Special Skills – Harper is a gifted screamer; a tactic she may use to stun her opponent.
Other – Harper can’t really, you know, move yet. This may prove to be her Achilles Heel.

I am totally getting Harper this mask.


Speed – I have never seen Anika move in person. However, her gargantuan size of 18 pounds should really slow her down.
Agility- Anika is mobile, a distinct advantage over her opponent. There is no way to sugar coat this. Even if she were able to only toddle over and sit on Harper, the match would pretty much be over immediately.
Special Skills – Her advantage is so great, she doesn’t really need any.
Other – Anika has hand-eye coordination all over Harper.

The Fuzz Head practicing her mad smack-down skillz.

Maybe I should rethink physical challenges. When I get some time I’m going to start teaching Harper to play Chess.


  1. So VERY hilarious! You forgot to mention Ani's 3.25 tooth advantage, but her fuzz head hair could be her detriment with Harper's grip-of-terror.
    Love it!

  2. There's no biting in the BWWE, Nat. Don't be silly.

  3. Natalie's Grandma said "I would bet my farm on the dandelion top kid when it comes down to it, got her training right now on the bike -just does a couple of laps on the drive way but she's got the moxie to do that and a brisk walk on the beach right after the bike work out. Pushing her hard for the baby triathlon" - someones gotta pay for Grannies golden years!